Fight the Good Fight!!!

Some things in life never change. Others change before you in the blink of an eye. It’s amazing to see the world turn, see people develop, become adults, experience new and interesting things, and have their eyes open the world. Other times, while beautiful, it hurts. You realize that while the person has developed, he or she no longer sees you in the picture. They move on and leave you never looking back.


Its been awhile since I have written anything. Life has been well... nothing short of hectic really. Christmas was the usual. My family gathered together for Christmas Day dinner, and as usual, the bickering, yelling and arguing continued like many other family traditions. My great aunt managed to screw up a ham, a pre-cooked ham to be exact which bewildered me in so many ways. Truly, how can one ruin a perfectly good ham? My theory is that rather than using an oven to heat the ham, she used a microwave, in turn making the ham rubbery and soft. Bleeh!!! Continuing the in the family traditions, my grandparents continued to argue with my sister and I on how we we're making the wrong decisions in life, how my theatre choices will make me end up like my parents, desperate and broke, and how my sister's job at a bar/restaurant puts her at risk for perverted men and possible rape. Go figure. As usual, I simply just played Rachmaninoff’s second piano concerto in my head while watching her lips move. When dinner was finished my aunt (Auntie Marian) my two uncles (Greg and Sean) my mom and my sister stayed behind, laughing and joking on how dysfunctional our family is. It’s always wonderful to look back and see how insane our family really is.


New Year's was wonderful. I spent time with my closest friend, Grigory Shektman and celebrated a traditional Russian New Year's dinner with smoked cod, a roast, and champagne. I received to lovely gifts. DVD's of the first season of Arrested Development and a bottle of Champagne Bollinger (the one James Bond drinks). After midnight, we traveled to UCLA where we met with another good friend of mine, Yudif Alevia, and we hung out at her apartment till the beginning rays of the morning sun began to rise.


Martin Luther King Weekend was quite an eventful one for me. One for the books really. I traveled to Utah to see some old friends and to hit the slopes. This would have only been my second time skiing so I was rather worried if I was going to make myself look like an ass, constantly falling and slowing the group. While skiing with Ian, I met to very lovely girls, Kelsey Brady, and Allie Horn. Both rather cute, and both a lot of fun to be with. As suspected, I fell multiple times on my first one, and on my second, broke my ski pole and one of my skis while taking a massive spill half way down. The EMS rescue personnel laughed and noted that I was probably one of the biggest falls he had ever seen in sometime. Since I had no skis now, he gave me an exciting ride on his toboggan down the rest of the hill. I had a package for Janice, basically a break up package. While we were never officially together, I felt some kind of closure was needed. I am still crazy about her, but after nearly ten months of no contact, one simple email, and the inability to talk to each other face to face in November, I began to realize whatever friendship was there, was at its breaking point. I went to her house, her roommate answered, I simply asked if Janice lived there, she said yes, and I gave her the package, and told her that she would know who its from. It contained mostly gifts that she had given me over the last 3 years.

I received the most vicious messages in the morning telling me how I lacked any tact, and that somehow I was a stalker. I am not really sure where stalker came in but in any case, I had, for the first time ever, truly lost it to her. My temper exploded and I screamed at her on a voicemail, calling her things I would rather not repeat, and told her if she was half the woman she believes she is, she would come to me face to face to tell me what she really wanted. She never did as expected, and I have begun to realize that I will probably never have my things I gave to her, or let her borrow, returned to me.


I guess in reality, I didn't want it to end this way, yet I saw it inevitably ending this very way, and in the end, it hurt me horribly. I have never been hurt like this in any relationship. I miss her horribly and would love nothing more then to be with her, but I realized unless something changes, the relationship whether friendship or more, was doomed from the start. You could almost say, there was too much chemistry. Some people say what I did lacked tact; I could have done it more gently, or rather just kept it and never said a word. They maybe right, but I felt something had to be done. Both of us are barely able to handle our own lives, neither of us are exceptional examples of commitment, and simply the two of us are just too far apart physically. I'll move on; continue with other relationships, and continue on with my life, but will always keep in mind that maybe when she is more sane, as am I, we can try again and just maybe, it will grand as it first was.


School started two weeks ago. Surprisingly it was something I was dreading. I guess mostly due to the fact that it felt wonderful to have a real vacation for once. Sleep in once in awhile, and just be myself with friends. School has now begun and the hectic life of theatre, work, friends, and classes has once again, kicked into full gear. I have decided to stick it out for at least another year so at minimum, I will be graduating in 2009. It's no big deal. Rather then 3 years I'll graduate in 4 or possibly 5. My next big thing, grad school!!!


The world continues to turn, life goes on and people continue with their daily errands and chores. Friends come and go, but with a precious few that stick it out with you till the very end. Maybe Janice will be one of those very few. You never know. The future is blurry at best. All that we can do is continue on with our lives, create new and wonderful things, meet new, beautiful and interesting people, and live out your passions to their fullest. As so many people before have stated, "Fight the good fight!"