So I seem to have several things on my mind. I'll try to be brief.
1. Theatre
So several people have noted that I have become increasingly involved in my career/major. A friend noted that theatre has basically become my world and my only world. In many ways, I hope this is not true, but it very well might be. The simple fact is, as much as I regret it sometimes, I have become in many ways, my "father's son." Many mistakes he had set in his life I have begun, including becoming a "workaholic." I love theatre... a lot in fact." There are nights where I cannot stop thinking about it. I wonder what the next day will hold. What new creative ideas will pop in my head or other peoples heads. I guess I am one of the few people that actually looks forward to work everyday. My friend stated that I should be careful though. I am using work as away to escape personal problems. I'll bury myself in theatre to keep my mind off of the personal demons that need the most work. My father has done the same and I have seen what it brings. Depression, anxiety, failed relationships, etc... Two I have already experienced which include depression and anxiety, both of which I have been medicated for.
2. Fashion
I swear to you, I think my mother wishes I was gay. I know it sounds unbelievably weird, but seeing her this last weekend brought up some hair raising weirdness. She claims, I am to much of a prep, that I should have more "flowery shirts" and Prada sunglasses. Now as much as I would like a pair of $500 dollar sunglasses I think Prada is a little overboard. I laughed and my sister agreed. I told her that me having all of these things would make me a tool. Now while my sister says that I would not necessarily be gay, it would fit the classic L.A. stereotype. The fashionable guy with a fancy Porsche, Armani suit and yes, Prada sunglasses. Oh Brother!!!
3. Relationships
I had a long talk with my friend Leah over the weekend and The Urth Cafe, in West Hollywood on Melrose. It was very pleasant. It was nice to just sit down in front of a friend, a girl rather, and just sit and talk. Discuss life in general, choices, and relationships. She laughed at me when she asked how many relationships I have had in my lifetime as of this date. When I told all of my failed ones, she sorta of gasped then giggled. Her exact quote was "How does one guy at 21, have so many girls that are angry at him?" "Why do more than 50% of them end ugly?" I laughed and simply stated "What can I say, I am a romantic!" I guess in reality though I long for a real relationship these days. I really long for a relationship when I first met that one girl at BYU. She in many ways, opened my eyes. I have begun to realize that many girls who have really liked me, ones like "Amy" I have managed to push away. I consider myself and most friends would agree that I am pretty independent, a free spirit of some sort. I guess in reality I am also just scared to let my emotions be known. There were a few girls I had feelings for but never found the courage to say anything about it. I tried with the girl at BYU but simply found myself lost on what to say. I guess I just want something to care for in the end. I am not looking for marriage in the immediate future but it would be nice to be with girl for awhile, care for her, help her with whatever she needs, and to know that she would in fact do the same for me. I guess most of this relates to the one girl in Utah. I wish to just run up there and simply just yell at the top of my lungs how I feel about her. The one girl I wish to really be with and unfortunately can't.
4. Music
I have found myself getting more and more back into the music scene. I miss music. I decided to take a class of the winter/spring semester on Music Theory I guess mostly to just brush up on my musical capabilities and knowledge. I am going to try to see if I can get back to practicing again with either the flute or the piano. I have really gotten back into singing again, and as much as I hate to admit it, I will be trying out for the spring musical this year. I am sure after two years of not working on my voice, its not going to sound pleasant for a few weeks. Once I begin working out my vocal cords again, I am sure I'll be just fine. Hopefully one day when things settle down, I might be able to get back to learning on composition and actually try writing a song/piece.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
The American Holiday
Thanksgiving!!!
The day where one can eat like a glutton, stuff themselves till they just can't breathe anymore, and not feel guilty about it for about one week.
The real question is of course, what was the first real Thanksgiving, and was Turkey really served? Everybody recognizes the famous painting by Norman Rockwell, the family gathered around the table, everybody smiling and the head of the family - the grandmother and grandfather - setting down the "Pièce de résistance!" The massive bird which will later be savagely sliced up. To that effect, all I have to say is Norman Rockwell should have come to my family dinner, and we could have shown him the real American family sitting down for dinner. I am sure it would give him nightmares for years to come. But really now, what was the "real thanksgiving dinner?"
Officially Thanksgiving was recognized as a Federal Holiday in 1789. The United States of America was born, and George Washington was officially elected and in sworn in as the first President of these United States. Washington as President, designated Thanksgiving as a Holiday so that every American could "thank God for affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness and for having been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted, for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed... " Since that executive proclamation, a tradition was born and now every president has offered thanks to whatever he "or she - yes I said she" might be thankful for to a hungry nation.
The first real Thanksgiving however occurred in 1619 on the Berkeley Plantation on what was then known the "Virgina Colony" when a group of 38 English settlers landed at Berkeley Hundred on December 4th, 1619. This would officially be the first permanent settlement in the Virginia Colony. The town charter stipulated that the day of arrival (December 4th) be designated as a day of "Thanksgiving to God" The official quote from the charter states "Wee ordaine that the day of our ships arrival at the place assigned for plantacon in the land of Virginia shall be yearly and perpetually keept holy as a day of thanksgiving to Almighty God."
The traditional thanksgiving story that of course, everybody knows occurred on the Plymouth Colony in Massachusetts. The winters in New England were particularly brutal and many of the first settlers died from hypothermia, disease, and starvation. A grateful group of settlers in 1621 thanked the natives (The famous Squanto) for helping them survive, through learning to fish, hunt, and farm. Without the natives assistance, most likely the settlers would have never survived and the settlement would have been abandoned. After 1621, the Plymouth Colony officially designated a Holiday immediately after the autumn harvest as a day of celebration, feasting and praising god. The Governor of Plymouth invited Grand Sachem Massasoit and the Wampanoag people to join them in the feast. As a way of saying thanks, the natives went into the forest and brought back 5 deer as a gift for the governor. As much as people think that Turkey is the officially meal of Thanksgiving, the first real thanksgiving dinner actually included eel, various fish including cod, native berries around the area, deer and ale (beer). Sorry guys... there is just no turkey on the New England menu.
Now we have an idea of where Thanksgiving comes from. The American tradition lives on even to this day but now rather thanking "god" for just surviving in a settlement, we have so much more to be thankful for, whether it be family, friends, school, relationships, and/or all around life in general. So feast away everybody. Enjoy the turkey with all of the trimmings. Stuff yourself silly till you can't even stand up, enjoy your time with your family if you are home for the holiday, stay warm, and know, despite whatever problems maybe occurring in your own life at the moment, there is something that everyone is and/or should be thankful for.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Back into the heart of LA
Well I am back from my little vacation to Provo. It was an interesting experience this time. A full ride of emotions, much like the best and worst roller coaster one can ride.
Little Women was a delight. I am generally not a fan of musicals but this one was enjoyable. The acting was well done, and the singing and choreography were amazing. For a little theatre at the HFAC at BYU, it was extremely well done. Watching this show just put more amazement for me into the world of theatre. I watch shows like these, and I realize how happy I am to be working and learning in this very industry. It amazing to see, how a small group of people with the right skill, can tell the most incredible story, even with the smallest of sets or props. The hustle, the triumphs, the loss, the heartache, the struggles, the late hours, the shear massive amount of different personalities, all coming to together to tell a story in the most fascinating of art forms, makes me feel, well... just happy. Never in an area of education or work, have I met more fascinating people. Some of my closest friends are all from this very thing.
It probably would have been more enjoyable, but two things simply got in the way. Jessica, who still looked beautiful, was very sick. Sadly enough this is all to common. I see many of my friends, stressed from the daily lives stemming from the art form, and suddenly becoming ill, simply because of stress. A lack of eating and sleeping generally ensues. I felt horrible as if I was dragging her to this event, but she enjoyed it none the less. She has been dying to see this show for awhile now. The second reason was simply the girl I had mentioned in the earlier blog.
She was stage managing the show this year. After Jessica had left for home, I stopped by to congratulate her and send her a birthday card. I have held the card for awhile and only finally gave it as Jessica told me, it was simply, the decent thing to do. She is in fact turning 20 this week. I had asked her if I could talk to her for 2 minutes, but she declined, stating she had to head back to her roommates to finish up somethings. Consciously I accepted hugged her and said goodnight, but in my mind all I could feel was shear rage, anger and pain. I held back my tongue but in so many ways I just wanted to yell out every curse word I could imagine and tell her exactly how I still feel about her, and how much, in many ways, she hurt me. I wanted her to feel the pain she gave me but at the same time wanted her to want me back. Is it wrong? Is it wrong to feel this? Do I just continue to smile, and hold my tongue, or do I just find day to met her face to face, and just let it all out? I keeping asking myself this and yet seem to never find an answer. I am lost with her. I move on and date other women, have crushes on other girls, like Jessica, but still find myself lost with her. I miss her, adore her, and hate her all at the same time.
Just this night I had a dinner with Ian and his friends from the 57th ward. Wards are designated by the church as groups I guess. Instead of the entire school have one giant session, they split them all up based on where the live and have individual sessions. I am generally not a church, fan, find the whole organized religion thing a bit weird for me, but yet found this Sunday's to be quite enjoyable. The dinner was amazing, and I have made so many for friends. I enjoy the company in Provo. People there seem more genuinely honest, caring, and feel to be more all around good friends. I feel closer to my friends in Utah then I do anywhere else. Not even at school. I don't know why really. It just seems that when things are low, the people I can come to, confide in, and both receive and give out advice just comes so naturally out there. So now I simply just went onto facebook and selected everybody I met or might have met tonight. Who knows... maybe they'll all accept. I am hoping during winter break I might be able to come back. See my friends again and maybe hit the slopes.
My flight back to LA was less then event full. An hour and a half flight and another hour stuck on the tarmac waiting for a gate. Oh how I loathe LAX. I can't complain about being back home. Its warmer her, I am back with family, sort of, and do enjoy the LA life style. Thanksgiving is upon us. Just four more days till I can stuff myself full, and not regret it till after Christmas. Ok that just sounded so much like a woman. Ti's the Holiday season, a time for love, family and asking the very question of "Do I really belong in the same gene pool as the rest of my family?"
Little Women was a delight. I am generally not a fan of musicals but this one was enjoyable. The acting was well done, and the singing and choreography were amazing. For a little theatre at the HFAC at BYU, it was extremely well done. Watching this show just put more amazement for me into the world of theatre. I watch shows like these, and I realize how happy I am to be working and learning in this very industry. It amazing to see, how a small group of people with the right skill, can tell the most incredible story, even with the smallest of sets or props. The hustle, the triumphs, the loss, the heartache, the struggles, the late hours, the shear massive amount of different personalities, all coming to together to tell a story in the most fascinating of art forms, makes me feel, well... just happy. Never in an area of education or work, have I met more fascinating people. Some of my closest friends are all from this very thing.
It probably would have been more enjoyable, but two things simply got in the way. Jessica, who still looked beautiful, was very sick. Sadly enough this is all to common. I see many of my friends, stressed from the daily lives stemming from the art form, and suddenly becoming ill, simply because of stress. A lack of eating and sleeping generally ensues. I felt horrible as if I was dragging her to this event, but she enjoyed it none the less. She has been dying to see this show for awhile now. The second reason was simply the girl I had mentioned in the earlier blog.
She was stage managing the show this year. After Jessica had left for home, I stopped by to congratulate her and send her a birthday card. I have held the card for awhile and only finally gave it as Jessica told me, it was simply, the decent thing to do. She is in fact turning 20 this week. I had asked her if I could talk to her for 2 minutes, but she declined, stating she had to head back to her roommates to finish up somethings. Consciously I accepted hugged her and said goodnight, but in my mind all I could feel was shear rage, anger and pain. I held back my tongue but in so many ways I just wanted to yell out every curse word I could imagine and tell her exactly how I still feel about her, and how much, in many ways, she hurt me. I wanted her to feel the pain she gave me but at the same time wanted her to want me back. Is it wrong? Is it wrong to feel this? Do I just continue to smile, and hold my tongue, or do I just find day to met her face to face, and just let it all out? I keeping asking myself this and yet seem to never find an answer. I am lost with her. I move on and date other women, have crushes on other girls, like Jessica, but still find myself lost with her. I miss her, adore her, and hate her all at the same time.
Just this night I had a dinner with Ian and his friends from the 57th ward. Wards are designated by the church as groups I guess. Instead of the entire school have one giant session, they split them all up based on where the live and have individual sessions. I am generally not a church, fan, find the whole organized religion thing a bit weird for me, but yet found this Sunday's to be quite enjoyable. The dinner was amazing, and I have made so many for friends. I enjoy the company in Provo. People there seem more genuinely honest, caring, and feel to be more all around good friends. I feel closer to my friends in Utah then I do anywhere else. Not even at school. I don't know why really. It just seems that when things are low, the people I can come to, confide in, and both receive and give out advice just comes so naturally out there. So now I simply just went onto facebook and selected everybody I met or might have met tonight. Who knows... maybe they'll all accept. I am hoping during winter break I might be able to come back. See my friends again and maybe hit the slopes.
My flight back to LA was less then event full. An hour and a half flight and another hour stuck on the tarmac waiting for a gate. Oh how I loathe LAX. I can't complain about being back home. Its warmer her, I am back with family, sort of, and do enjoy the LA life style. Thanksgiving is upon us. Just four more days till I can stuff myself full, and not regret it till after Christmas. Ok that just sounded so much like a woman. Ti's the Holiday season, a time for love, family and asking the very question of "Do I really belong in the same gene pool as the rest of my family?"
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Love and Life: How one becomes lost.
Well, I guess this is my first real blog. What to say...
I am in Provo right now. I decided to take a break from it all, even if it was just for a weekend. Most people think I am crazy but in a way, I like Provo. Its simpler here. Life here moves at a much slower pace and people here seem more genuinely honest. The isn't a bunch of political b.s. that you find in LA. Traffic is easy and the weather here actually consists of seasons. I have several really great friends here so any chance I can get to see them I take.
The trip has been odd a best so far. Fun but odd. My flight arriving into Salt Lake was an hour late and at the time I had no way of contacting my ride. She was ok and we made it back to campus with plenty of time to spare. I just felt bad that she had to sit there for that long. My ride (Kasaundra) and I decided to get some lunch and hang out for a while until my friend who I am crashing with (Ian) came back home. It was nice. Its been awhile since I have had a real genuine conversation with somebody. I was pretty exhausted and so was she so our conversations near the end started to get a little off. Opps.
I later walked over to the HFAC (BYU's theatre department) to see if could see a few more friends. I saw Joey which was wonderful. He is currently working in the ticketing office so I joked around in my usual lame self and asked for a hamburger and fries.
I saw an old friend a few minutes later. Well really, a girl. I have actually known her since high school but only really got to know her during freshman year. I was hesitant to say hello earlier and to be honest I am not sure what changed my mind. It was nice to see her again but it was awkward at best. We haven't spoken to each other in some time and when I saw her, I lost the words with what I wanted to say and the conversation for both of us went into odd directions. Its hard in many ways. She was one of the first girls I really liked. I loved her in many ways and have missed her horribly, but after April, it all just fell apart. I have slowly moved on but when I saw her in person, a lot of emotions began to bubble up again. I guess some things never truly heal.
I am seeing BYU's production of Little Women tonight with the lovely Jessica Montgomery. I have never been a big fan of musical honestly, but this one I am rather looking forward too. Will have to see what happens later tonight and through the weekend.
I brought my suit I am not sure why. I guess I figured some one will make me come with them to church so I guess its better to be safe then sorry. Its chilly here in Provo. The day time temps are in the 50's but the night time temps are quite chilly. Generally in the low 30's. I like this kind of weather. I wish LA weather had an actually winter. I love coats, scarfs, gloves and the biting cold. Call me odd. I guess that's why I am in theatre.
There is not much more to say at the moment. I'll try to write some more tomorrow after church - its just sounds so weird to say or write that.
I am in Provo right now. I decided to take a break from it all, even if it was just for a weekend. Most people think I am crazy but in a way, I like Provo. Its simpler here. Life here moves at a much slower pace and people here seem more genuinely honest. The isn't a bunch of political b.s. that you find in LA. Traffic is easy and the weather here actually consists of seasons. I have several really great friends here so any chance I can get to see them I take.
The trip has been odd a best so far. Fun but odd. My flight arriving into Salt Lake was an hour late and at the time I had no way of contacting my ride. She was ok and we made it back to campus with plenty of time to spare. I just felt bad that she had to sit there for that long. My ride (Kasaundra) and I decided to get some lunch and hang out for a while until my friend who I am crashing with (Ian) came back home. It was nice. Its been awhile since I have had a real genuine conversation with somebody. I was pretty exhausted and so was she so our conversations near the end started to get a little off. Opps.
I later walked over to the HFAC (BYU's theatre department) to see if could see a few more friends. I saw Joey which was wonderful. He is currently working in the ticketing office so I joked around in my usual lame self and asked for a hamburger and fries.
I saw an old friend a few minutes later. Well really, a girl. I have actually known her since high school but only really got to know her during freshman year. I was hesitant to say hello earlier and to be honest I am not sure what changed my mind. It was nice to see her again but it was awkward at best. We haven't spoken to each other in some time and when I saw her, I lost the words with what I wanted to say and the conversation for both of us went into odd directions. Its hard in many ways. She was one of the first girls I really liked. I loved her in many ways and have missed her horribly, but after April, it all just fell apart. I have slowly moved on but when I saw her in person, a lot of emotions began to bubble up again. I guess some things never truly heal.
I am seeing BYU's production of Little Women tonight with the lovely Jessica Montgomery. I have never been a big fan of musical honestly, but this one I am rather looking forward too. Will have to see what happens later tonight and through the weekend.
I brought my suit I am not sure why. I guess I figured some one will make me come with them to church so I guess its better to be safe then sorry. Its chilly here in Provo. The day time temps are in the 50's but the night time temps are quite chilly. Generally in the low 30's. I like this kind of weather. I wish LA weather had an actually winter. I love coats, scarfs, gloves and the biting cold. Call me odd. I guess that's why I am in theatre.
There is not much more to say at the moment. I'll try to write some more tomorrow after church - its just sounds so weird to say or write that.
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