Peculiar Thoughts

So I seem to have several things on my mind. I'll try to be brief.

1. Theatre

So several people have noted that I have become increasingly involved in my career/major. A friend noted that theatre has basically become my world and my only world. In many ways, I hope this is not true, but it very well might be. The simple fact is, as much as I regret it sometimes, I have become in many ways, my "father's son." Many mistakes he had set in his life I have begun, including becoming a "workaholic." I love theatre... a lot in fact." There are nights where I cannot stop thinking about it. I wonder what the next day will hold. What new creative ideas will pop in my head or other peoples heads. I guess I am one of the few people that actually looks forward to work everyday. My friend stated that I should be careful though. I am using work as away to escape personal problems. I'll bury myself in theatre to keep my mind off of the personal demons that need the most work. My father has done the same and I have seen what it brings. Depression, anxiety, failed relationships, etc... Two I have already experienced which include depression and anxiety, both of which I have been medicated for.

2. Fashion

I swear to you, I think my mother wishes I was gay. I know it sounds unbelievably weird, but seeing her this last weekend brought up some hair raising weirdness. She claims, I am to much of a prep, that I should have more "flowery shirts" and Prada sunglasses. Now as much as I would like a pair of $500 dollar sunglasses I think Prada is a little overboard. I laughed and my sister agreed. I told her that me having all of these things would make me a tool. Now while my sister says that I would not necessarily be gay, it would fit the classic L.A. stereotype. The fashionable guy with a fancy Porsche, Armani suit and yes, Prada sunglasses. Oh Brother!!!

3. Relationships

I had a long talk with my friend Leah over the weekend and The Urth Cafe, in West Hollywood on Melrose. It was very pleasant. It was nice to just sit down in front of a friend, a girl rather, and just sit and talk. Discuss life in general, choices, and relationships. She laughed at me when she asked how many relationships I have had in my lifetime as of this date. When I told all of my failed ones, she sorta of gasped then giggled. Her exact quote was "How does one guy at 21, have so many girls that are angry at him?" "Why do more than 50% of them end ugly?" I laughed and simply stated "What can I say, I am a romantic!" I guess in reality though I long for a real relationship these days. I really long for a relationship when I first met that one girl at BYU. She in many ways, opened my eyes. I have begun to realize that many girls who have really liked me, ones like "Amy" I have managed to push away. I consider myself and most friends would agree that I am pretty independent, a free spirit of some sort. I guess in reality I am also just scared to let my emotions be known. There were a few girls I had feelings for but never found the courage to say anything about it. I tried with the girl at BYU but simply found myself lost on what to say. I guess I just want something to care for in the end. I am not looking for marriage in the immediate future but it would be nice to be with girl for awhile, care for her, help her with whatever she needs, and to know that she would in fact do the same for me. I guess most of this relates to the one girl in Utah. I wish to just run up there and simply just yell at the top of my lungs how I feel about her. The one girl I wish to really be with and unfortunately can't.

4. Music

I have found myself getting more and more back into the music scene. I miss music. I decided to take a class of the winter/spring semester on Music Theory I guess mostly to just brush up on my musical capabilities and knowledge. I am going to try to see if I can get back to practicing again with either the flute or the piano. I have really gotten back into singing again, and as much as I hate to admit it, I will be trying out for the spring musical this year. I am sure after two years of not working on my voice, its not going to sound pleasant for a few weeks. Once I begin working out my vocal cords again, I am sure I'll be just fine. Hopefully one day when things settle down, I might be able to get back to learning on composition and actually try writing a song/piece.