Back into the heart of LA

Well I am back from my little vacation to Provo. It was an interesting experience this time. A full ride of emotions, much like the best and worst roller coaster one can ride.

Little Women was a delight. I am generally not a fan of musicals but this one was enjoyable. The acting was well done, and the singing and choreography were amazing. For a little theatre at the HFAC at BYU, it was extremely well done. Watching this show just put more amazement for me into the world of theatre. I watch shows like these, and I realize how happy I am to be working and learning in this very industry. It amazing to see, how a small group of people with the right skill, can tell the most incredible story, even with the smallest of sets or props. The hustle, the triumphs, the loss, the heartache, the struggles, the late hours, the shear massive amount of different personalities, all coming to together to tell a story in the most fascinating of art forms, makes me feel, well... just happy. Never in an area of education or work, have I met more fascinating people. Some of my closest friends are all from this very thing.

It probably would have been more enjoyable, but two things simply got in the way. Jessica, who still looked beautiful, was very sick. Sadly enough this is all to common. I see many of my friends, stressed from the daily lives stemming from the art form, and suddenly becoming ill, simply because of stress. A lack of eating and sleeping generally ensues. I felt horrible as if I was dragging her to this event, but she enjoyed it none the less. She has been dying to see this show for awhile now. The second reason was simply the girl I had mentioned in the earlier blog.

She was stage managing the show this year. After Jessica had left for home, I stopped by to congratulate her and send her a birthday card. I have held the card for awhile and only finally gave it as Jessica told me, it was simply, the decent thing to do. She is in fact turning 20 this week. I had asked her if I could talk to her for 2 minutes, but she declined, stating she had to head back to her roommates to finish up somethings. Consciously I accepted hugged her and said goodnight, but in my mind all I could feel was shear rage, anger and pain. I held back my tongue but in so many ways I just wanted to yell out every curse word I could imagine and tell her exactly how I still feel about her, and how much, in many ways, she hurt me. I wanted her to feel the pain she gave me but at the same time wanted her to want me back. Is it wrong? Is it wrong to feel this? Do I just continue to smile, and hold my tongue, or do I just find day to met her face to face, and just let it all out? I keeping asking myself this and yet seem to never find an answer. I am lost with her. I move on and date other women, have crushes on other girls, like Jessica, but still find myself lost with her. I miss her, adore her, and hate her all at the same time.

Just this night I had a dinner with Ian and his friends from the 57th ward. Wards are designated by the church as groups I guess. Instead of the entire school have one giant session, they split them all up based on where the live and have individual sessions. I am generally not a church, fan, find the whole organized religion thing a bit weird for me, but yet found this Sunday's to be quite enjoyable. The dinner was amazing, and I have made so many for friends. I enjoy the company in Provo. People there seem more genuinely honest, caring, and feel to be more all around good friends. I feel closer to my friends in Utah then I do anywhere else. Not even at school. I don't know why really. It just seems that when things are low, the people I can come to, confide in, and both receive and give out advice just comes so naturally out there. So now I simply just went onto facebook and selected everybody I met or might have met tonight. Who knows... maybe they'll all accept. I am hoping during winter break I might be able to come back. See my friends again and maybe hit the slopes.

My flight back to LA was less then event full. An hour and a half flight and another hour stuck on the tarmac waiting for a gate. Oh how I loathe LAX. I can't complain about being back home. Its warmer her, I am back with family, sort of, and do enjoy the LA life style. Thanksgiving is upon us. Just four more days till I can stuff myself full, and not regret it till after Christmas. Ok that just sounded so much like a woman. Ti's the Holiday season, a time for love, family and asking the very question of "Do I really belong in the same gene pool as the rest of my family?"